are we honest people?

A friend told me I'm not an honest person and that kind of upset me. For I do believe I am an honest person, but they explained their definition of honesty was more inclusive than mine.

Interesting.

Well, my definition of honesty does not include information of omission. I mean, what things are we suppose to divulge to everyone, in order to be honest. Do I have to say "oh yeah at 10am I took a shit"? I mean, where is the line drawn.

What makes someone an honest person?

Perhaps I feel that I am honest because I do not purposely (and sub-consciously) try to hurt anyone (physically and mentally). If you ask me a question I will tell the truth, the best of my knowledge. Now that is not to say my actions never hurt people, for they sometimes may and do; but it was not my intention.

I remember a quote, “No one can make you feel inferior, with out your permission”. I believe this is very true. We give certain people in our lives power/control over ourselves, which cause us to be easily hurt or angered by their actions and words.

For instance, my mother can say something like “are you wearing that tonight”. That’s a simply question, right? If anyone else says that to me, which I can easily infer they don’t like my outfit, I would usually say “bugger off, yeah I’m wearing it”. But if my mom says it I’ll get really upset and re-think my outfit. I believe it’s because she has a power over me that I gave her, which can easily crush my ego. We often give our boy/girlfriends, friends, relatives, etc. this same power, where something little and can hurt us forever.

Do I make any sense? Could it be, no one is honest? Are all just going through life, just saying what everyone wants to hear. I'm not sure, but now I'm not sure if I'm an honest person or not. Damn it, I hate when I have to second guess myself. It's like every time I feel I'm confident in something, someone says something or tells me something that totally changes my mind. Wait, is that just life? Isn't that a good thing? Either way, I feel silly. I will never make any proclamations about myself ever again, for I have no idea how I really feel. I change my mind so often, it's pathetic.

I remember those good old times in high school/teenage years, where I knew everything. I had clear cut opinions on all life's issues. I knew I was smarter than my parents and the world was mad. I use to say just give me one week, I'll have Palestinians and Israelis doing the macaraina in no time. Of course, now a mere 25, I have no idea how I feel about anything. I remember a time when I thought smoking and drinking was the worst thing someone could do to their body, I must say I feel completely different now as I sip my wine from a box and take a long drag from my Marlboro Menthol Light. My opinions change and I feel so unsure most of the time. I guess it's all about living and growing, as you live and grow, your opinions HAVE to change, otherwise, are we making any progress?

Sigh...

Okay, I have no idea what I'm talking about now, I'm going to sleep.